


Hold on to me, don't you ever let me go

by SilvertonguedClotpole



Series: Humans Drabbles/Oneshots [1]
Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Familial Relationship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 22:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6677437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilvertonguedClotpole/pseuds/SilvertonguedClotpole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of a drabble/short fic of Mia and her protectiveness and promise to keep Leo close and safe. Mainly about his nightmares but I deviated. The Elster family bond.</p><p>"And Mia helped anyway she could, standing by his side the whole time.<br/>And watching. Always watching."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold on to me, don't you ever let me go

**Author's Note:**

> So this was, at first, just a really short drabble about Mia watching Leo sleep and his nightmares, but then I decided to improve it because I didn't like what I'd done and...it became a tad longer. I'm still not overly happy but I like it. I hopefully plan on writing Human's drabbles here and there and welcome any ideas (though don't be mad if I don't write your idea, I struggle writing certain things if I don't have the feel for them- heck, I have nearly 10 started stories I just can't get into finishing). I may come and read this again in a few days and realise I've messed something up, or should change it, but for now I think I'm content. Title taken from Michael Buble's Hold On. No copyright intended, no beta so any mistakes my own and I hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> warning: mention of seriously ill child (Leo after the accident) that may upset some readers.

At first she swore never to take her eyes off of him again. Vowing that she would never again let him go. And so it became her new purpose, a self employed 'design' as opposed to one of Elster's upgrades.

_"Leave him Mia, you are no good for him now." David's voice snapped as he worked around her. She wished she could hear some pain, some grief, in his voice but there was none, only a faint flicker here and there. She hoped that somewhere, deep down, David Elster really was grieving, but what shone on the surface was just the promise of a new experiment, a new puzzle._

_"I wish to stay with him." Her hand squeezed the cold little one she held onto, not wanting to imagine the fingers not there to cling to anymore. It seemed, almost, as if the body had never warmed up from the moment she pulled him from the lake, with the blue on his skin like paint on a canvas. "I want to watch over him."_

_"Why. He isn't going anywhere. Leo is brain dead Mia, his body is only alive now because I am making it so. Your presence here changes nothing."_

_"Maybe not for him, or for you. But for me and my siblings, looking after him is all we have. If we cannot be here for him now we are lost. I love him."_

_"You only love him because of my design. Now please, you being here is disrupting my work." Elster near enough forced her to leave, but as she did she took one final look at him, at her son, pleading that it would not be her last._

And it had not been, David had 'healed' his son and brought him back. Mia was there the day he opened his eyes again, Fred and Nis managing to hold her back as she tried to reach him. The days following were long and hard, with Leo still being ill and adjusting to 'synth life', Mia found herself constantly with him, holding his hand or stroking his hair, shushing him and drying his tears. It was then she realised sleeping was worst for him, for he couldn't distract his brain, couldn't ignore the memories that his new mind was replaying over and over with such clarifying detail. And each time he woke up screaming, crying, choking, she would hold him tight, soothing him and helping him breath through the bone crunching tightness of his chest.

"Shush, shush little one, it's ok, you're here, you're with me. Calm now." The words came easily, but every time she spoke them she hated herself, how could just a few words or a stroke of the hair take away such terror. _"Calm down"_ , is easy to say, but far from easy to do.

XX

As the years went by she carried on the same, watching him as he played, as he learnt, as he grew. Standing guard when he had private time, when he washed or used the bathroom, a far enough distance away, but close enough to hear when he needed her. There was the true fear of depression, especially in his mid teens, when he forced past the initial shock of dying and being made half machine and realised his life would never be the same, would always be...so very much different. It was with these realisations that the Elster siblings took away any dangerous objects, anything he could use to hurt himself, and never left him alone too long. It didn't come- at least, not that he let show- but all the same they would tear through the bathroom door when he had spent even a minute longer than usual. Most of the time they would find him tucked away in a corner, or sat huddled in the shower as the droplets ran down his face, masking the tears.

He grew up though, and even if the pain never went away- never _could_ go away- he handled it, pushed it to the side to focus on the here and now, the new problems they all faced.

And Mia helped anyway she could, standing by his side the whole time.

And watching. Always watching.

XX

When he slept was always worse than the waking hours, and that was the thing that never left him. Mia knew this, she had learnt this just months after the event. It was now her new routine, her new want and need. The moment he closed his eyes she never took the time for herself, of for tasks, she would even charge at half charge to keep an eye on him, her senses alert to any movement he made, any sound. In his sleep he would shout out, toss and turn, cry until his throat gave no sound and the pillow was wet beneath his face. This was when he was vulnerable, when he didn't have the mind to fight the demons that invaded. When stress pulled him under, Mia would sit by him holding his hand, rubbing circles and not stop until finally his blue eyes shone out once more and he could carry on, keep going.

Now, in his young adulthood she knew that the constant watching wasn't necessary. The days were filled with hiding, planning and just trying to stay alive and together, for that he needed her in different ways. And when the nights came, when he did allow himself to sleep, the nightmares didn't always take hold. Some came, though with little fight, and Mia found she wasn't needed, or that one little look, a peck on the cheek, would do justice. But she would still look out, her senses picking up on any fear and discomfort and pull her from her charge. Maxi, Fred and Niska always did the same, and often she would awake to find them by his side, ruffling his hair or helping him to a little bit of water. When it was just her Leo wanted she would let him curl into her, simply whispering "Shh, I'm here little one."

Every twitch, every mumble had her tensed. Fred would turn and meet her gaze, eyes questioning, or Maxi would sit up straighter as they waited to see how bad it would be. They never became irritated with this part of their life, the task never being an annoyance to them. It was a testament of their love and devotion, and not just some 'job' David had installed. The only bother was the pain and turmoil it caused Leo. _That_ would be the thing they would change.

Often when he refused to sleep it meant his last dream had been a bad one. He would stay awake for days, fighting off the exhaustion even after Fred or Niska tried to persuade him otherwise.

_"Get some sleep Leo." Niska said, walking past to add logs to the fire._

_A mumble was all she received in response. The exhaustion was apparent but his pure stubbornness was winning over, somehow fighting his mind into submission._

_"You know we're all right here." She said, kneeling down in front of him and holding his hand. Mia had watched from a distance, with Max next to her, a sleeping bag already in his hand and ready to spring like a coil the moment Leo agreed._

_The fire popped and crackled in the silence, filling the quiet as Leo sat in silent debate. Minutes passed before he whispered, so softly and so small. "It doesn't help Nis."_

_Their foreheads touched, his breath blowing strands of her blond hair away from her cheeks. Mia was just close enough to see tears graze over his face and to hear the hitch in his breath as he tried to hide the misery. The years had only added to the nightmares, giving him knew scenarios, new memories to replay- finding out about his father had been one._

_"Sleep." Niska repeated, her forehead still ghosting his._

_And he had. Finally he allowed his body to lay down, to be wrapped in the sleeping bag that Maxi brought over and it seemed he only realised his head was on Mia's lap when she lightly took some of his hair in her hand and began to caress, his eyes turning to meet hers._

_"Don't leave me MiMi." He looked around to his brothers and sister. "None of you."_

_"Never." Mia had said, leaning down to kiss him and pulling his blanket further up on his shoulders as he drifted to sleep._

She had thought many times what would happen if they had been separated, if she wasn't there when he woke up, when he needed her. It was not as though he could not turn to the others, they always did everything she did, but it was her who managed to calm him most, managed to push everything away just that little bit quicker.

The thought always made her terrified. The both of them would lose their minds if they were ever to lose one another.

XX

A slight recognition of the world around her.

Leo? Niska? Fred? Maxi?

Where were they. This girl in front of her was unfamiliar...

What if Leo needed her? She needed to get back to her family.

"Help me!"

XX

"My brother died too, no my son." She looked down, finally seeing her hands again, finally flexing them. But no, the Anita program was fighting her.

She had to get back to them. Leo had died, he had had so much pain and misery and he needed her. She hadn't watched him sleep in so long and she needed to know he was ok.

Anita took over.

XX

Leo had hardly slept since she had come back to them. The moment she held him in her arms she could tell how tightly strung he was, yet at the same time so limp, his strength waning but trying to fight- _having_ to fight.

And all too quickly he was gone again, keeping her safe with the Hawkins, promising to come back to her. Watching him go she could see the way he held himself, the way his eyes were heavy. _Come back, let me keep you safe._

XX

Maxi had been lost. He was the best of them all, her beautiful little brother, so pure and wonderful. She could see in Leo's eyes how much he needed him to be alright, how his desire was further ignited by his guilt that this had- even indirectly- been his doing. He hadn't slept; the first night he had been unable to, constantly running to Fred, to get to his brother; and since, he had kept watch, making sure Maxi's health improved.

She knew that if he closed his eyes now he would see his little brother falling into the river. Yet again, another memory that would plague him for years to come- especially if Max didn't make it through.

The Hawkin's family distracted them all, bustling about and involving them in their own everyday family life, even if a little disjointed from the chaos the Elster's had brought with them. But yet through it all Mia would look to Leo when his eyes were somewhere else, when he actually did allow himself to nap, even if it was sat upright on an uncomfy wooden chair, his elbow propping up his head. Mia absolutely tried to ignore how his eyes were puffy and red after his shower, knowing that there were more than just the cleansing water droplets having fell during that time.

XX

And then there was Beatrice, or Karen. She had broken his trust- again- even if she had thought she was doing right in her own way. Leo had seen his family threatened, had been held back unable to do anything other than scream and cry. He must have thought, as they all did, that this could be the last time they would see one another. That the last hugs had been the final time they'd be able to hold one another. Finally, before Mia's eyes, he fell unconscious, either in exhaustion, shock or by the armed men's needles. It didn't matter, what mattered was that she stayed with him. She had begged, begged them all to let her stay by his side.

She had been shut down before she could do or say anymore.

Everything blended into one after that, even with her perfect memory. In truth, Mia didn't try to figure it out, all she knew was that they were free again, she had all of her family back. They ran, they hid. Fred attacked Leo and again she held him as he cradled his arm. As Leo closed his eyes later that day to enter the dream world she noticed the dark circles, the twitch of his eyes as his mind fought anything that could result in sleep.

In the dream world itself she held him tight, a horrifying manifestation of her fears, of a listless and prone Leo in her arms. The only balm was that this version of Leo didn't suffer in his sleep.

XX

It was as they said goodbye, after leaving Fred and seeing Niska leave that Mia remembered a conversation she had had just hours before with Laura.

_Laura caught her watching Leo, once when he was sat fixing Max, another when he slept fitfully on a slightly more comfortable chair than before. She had asked her why she did it, if it was part of her programming, part of her design to keep an eye on him._

_"I no longer have a design Laura. I love him just as you love Toby, Mattie and Sophie. He is my son. At first I was made to care for him, but now, I do it because it pains me to see him...to have him that way. He deserves_ normality _, a life. This is not a life for him Laura, he should be happy..." A broken sigh, and Laura's hand fell in hers. She met the woman's gaze, a mother sharing the bond, the understanding. "...He should be happy ."_

_This would be her 'life' forever more. Forever bound to worry for him, to watch over him and take care of him when he needed her._

_"You know what that is?" Laura had said, a sad smile on her face when Mia openly conveyed the thought of her 'destiny'. Mia shook her head, her eyes boring into Laura, their connection growing ever more with the shared awareness. Simply, she just chuckled and said, "Motherhood."_

Motherhood. It was what she had been programmed to be, a mother and a sister. But over time she had truly become one, through nature, through experience. She would forevermore care for Leo, and for Max, Fred and Niska. They were her family and it was what families do: care, love. Not every family was the same, and she had learnt that some did not always hold love in the purest form, if at all. But it was always there for her, the thing that helped keep her going. The desire for them to be safe.

Every time Leo twitched in his sleep, or each time he whimpered or cried, she would be there, watching over him. She would hold him and comfort him, try to take the pain away. It would break her heart to see him that way, to see the scars lining his face, far too young a face to be carrying such weights.

Max had once read her a quote he had found, observing the heavy hearts of humanity and it had always stuck with her, a beautiful yet tragic truth in just a few words. This was true now, it was a quote that rang so true to Leo that it could have been written about him, his heaviness, his shoulders weighed down by the pain and the strains of his very existence.

As the night drew in, as the clouds brought in a fresh bout of cool air, she pulled Leo close to her, wrapping him in a sleeping bag and making sure every part of him was covered. He giggled, pulling away like a child and making a face.

"I'd like to be able to breath thanks." She was glad he was smiling, it was good to see, even after all that had happened in the last few days.

"I just don't want you feeling the chill, that's all."

"Don't worry, I can't." He laughed again, and turned to Maxi as he took a seat the opposite side to Mia. "Is it a Leo sandwich?"

"No Leo, we are not eating you." To most people, Maxi's response was a typical _'I am a synth and do not understand your ways or humour'_ line, but to them, it was one of his brother's jokes, a dry humourous nod to the ignorance of 'humans'.

Leo nodded, suddenly falling sombre.

"Don't worry, we'll get them back. We'll fix Fred and Niska will come back to us, just give her time. But until then, it's us, together, and we will do what we always do, stick together."

He nodded again, eyes falling closed before he snapped them back open.

"Sleep little one, I'll be right here when you wake up, like I always am. Like I'll always be." She tried to forget having ever left his side, but the promise would still stand, for as long as she could possibly keep it. "I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Leo's head fell onto her chest as she rubbed circles on his back, a few seconds later and his breathing evened out. Between them, Mia and Max laid him down, taking their positions for the night.

"Do you need to charge?" Maxi asked, quietly.

"No, I'm ok. You power down Maxi, I'll keep look out."

There was a nod and her little brother moved into a more comfortable position on the left side of Leo. As the forest quietened around her Mia's gaze fell onto her 'son's' chest, a slow rise and fall, a body at peace for the time being. She took his hand in hers, her fingers feeling for the pulse beneath the skin, any rise and she would feel it, the first signs of unease.

But for now she was content, she had him in her grasp once again and although the family was broken, split up, he was safe, _they_ were safe. They would fix Fred as she had promised, and Niska could take care of herself until she came back to them. It wasn't ideal, it never was, just constantly on the run in forests, back alleys and derelict buildings, but they were ok. They were surviving any way they knew how.

And wasn't that just another part of what humanity was: surviving?

**Author's Note:**

> As you can probably tell by this (and my other Human's story) I absolutely adore this relationship, the familial bond that the Elster's have, particularly Mia with Leo, and Max and Leo. I can't wait to see more next series- hopefully! And the little scene following Karen's appearance was a slight addition by me, just an interpretation of how they transported Leo from the house to the facility- he wouldn't have gone without a fight so I thought I'd write it that he was out cold. Thanks for reading, please let me know if you enjoyed it. x


End file.
